just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
