I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize