You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
