Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
tell me about the fingering
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
