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You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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