Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize