It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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