burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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