Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
