i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
They have beer where we have blood.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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