And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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