Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize