Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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