listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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