How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
