I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
