The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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