I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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