I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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