A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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