either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
