Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
