Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize