oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize