I am in a vortex of obligation.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
