I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
