I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
