god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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