Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
