I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
