just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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