I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am naked and annoyed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
