so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize