you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
