They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
