I cut my penus on the lid.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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