i was born a porn star she said
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
