She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
