I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
