wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
