either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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