if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
wow bdsm is so cute
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
