Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i love accidental penises.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize