I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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