i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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