And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize