i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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