Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
