Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
