we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
