Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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