Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
