I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
