How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
