I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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