So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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