I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize