I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
