lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
