i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
