he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize