she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
