You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
