Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Panties = found
Randomize
