M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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