my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
