Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
