So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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