She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
