Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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