dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize