Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
