Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
