Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
