she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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