Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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