Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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