Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
