I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
