Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
