A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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