Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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