I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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