Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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