ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
