Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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