i already hear my dad disowning me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
