Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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