I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
