They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
