Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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