i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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