just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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