i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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