Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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