; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
